Busy evening of The Bachelorette shenanigans, so reposting this oldie but goodie that I’m actually a teensy bit proud of. Hope it makes you chuckle!
’Twas the week before Christmas, when all through my house
All creatures were frantic, even cat with toy mouse;
The stockings weren’t hung, nor did they have fill
While husband yells, “Please take a chill pill!”
We have not children, but cat’s in her bed,
She dreams not of sugarplums, but tuna instead.
And Kyle in his glasses, and I in fuzzy socks,
Had just settled down when on the door, *three knocks*
Then out on the porch there arose such a grumble
Rushed to the door so quick, I nearly took a tumble.
Up to the peephole, I stared like a creep,
Just in time to see Amazon speed away with a beep beep.
The moon on the breast of still drizzling rain
Shown colorful and icy through my window pane
When, what to my wondering eyes should I see,
But several brown boxes with that arrow smiley,
That Amazon driver, so lively and quick,
Is my grown up version of good ole St. Nick.
More rapid than FedEx, my gifts they came,
All neatly stacked and labeled by name;
Now camera, now book, now DVD, now blanket,
On flashlight that only works when you crank it!
From warehouse to porch, now under my tree
Merry Christmas with a gift to you, from me.
As dry leaves blow away and become the past,
As quickly did the delivery man speed off, fast.
To the next neighborhood the truck he drove,
To deliver someone else’s Christmas treasure trove.
And then, up above, I heard stamping and jingles,
And I though that there must be a leak in our shingles!
Awake and weary, I again gott out of bed,
And what I saw made me wonder if I was in my right head.
He was dressed in red from his head to his toe,
And right out the window rain gave way to snow.
A bundle of knickknacks lay open on the floor,
More beautiful than what you’d get at the store.
His eyes— how they twinkled! His dimples how deep!
To see all this wonder was better than sleep!
His cheeks were rosy, and so was his nose,
By the fireplace he warmed his booted toes.
His bearded mouth smiled, with teeth aglow,
And speaking of beard, his was white as snow!
He now knows that smoking is bad,
So he ate some Oreos and was equally glad.
He had a kind face and a large tummy,
And in my stupor, he must’ve thought me a dummy.
He was all I’d imagined, a jolly old elf,
Much more majestic than that one for your shelf!
He winked at me as he finished his snack,
Unloaded some presents then retied his sack.
A man of few words, but in fact he did say,
“Don’t give up, you could be a writer someday!”
He tapped on his Apple watch and faster than light,
He disappeared up the chimney and into the night.
Amazon’s got nothing on this Christmas magic,
To not believe would be truly tragic!
Thankful for family and friends and a tree full of light,
Merry almost Christmas to all, and to all a good night!!
xoxo A (heavily derived, obvi) poem by Laughing at Leigh Ann