Same Book, New Chapter

Now that I have informed all of the appropriate parties, I can finally tell you with sort of certainty (you just never know) that I will be starting a new job in two weeks.!?

I credit the odd punctuation 90% to being totally drunk on cold medicine (yay winter!) and 10% to being how I actually feel. This is the first time in my life that I’ve left a job I don’t hate (I don’t love it either, let’s not get it twisted), and coworkers that I really love a lot. I mean, leaving any sort of comfort zone is always bittersweet, but in the past year at my current job, I’ve not had that epitomizing moment where I’m like, “Okay, for real, I’ve got to get the hell out of here.” It was a decision made in the spirit of adulting. You know, career, finances, all that fun stuff.

Unfortunately, as boring as it is to make decisions motivated by snoozers like stability, and practicality, when you get older and you buy a house and you get a pet and you might someday down the road maybe (probably not) birth a little tiny baby, some of those snoozers can’t be ignored. And so, it is with lots of excitement, some nerves, and a few reservations, that I start a new adventure in a few short weeks.

I’m totally going to elaborate on all of that in the near future, but this circumstance (cold medicine, over the counter inhaler, and fever taken into account) has got me thinking a lot about where my life is, where Buzzfeed and the like think it should be, and how I measure up to some of my peers.

I see so many lists that are like, “Shit that’s still okay when you’re in your twenties” I’m here to tell you that yeah, I’ve read a ton of those, and sometimes they’re relatable, but then I judge myself for finding them relatable and here’s why: “Your twenties,” is a generalization for a decade of life that finds you in all sorts of different kinds of transition. I feel like where I’m at in right now life is a totally different place than 21 year old me was at. (Except I’m still afraid to buy alcohol, so there’s that.)  And down the road, I’d be willing to bet that 29 year old me doesn’t have much in common with 26 year old me either.

For the past few months, I’ve really doubted myself a lot in comparison to some of my friends and acquaintances. I’m quickly approaching, “late twenties” (DEAR LORD, HOW?!) and so I can get particularly down in the dumps when I start to consider that maybe I just haven’t gotten it right yet. I mean I have friends who are MOMS. Friends who are nurses and doctors. Friends who have met two thirds of the Jonas clan?! Often, I feel like I’ve come up short because I’m not selfless enough (yet? maybe ever?) to dedicate my life to bringing up a child. That maybe I’m not enough because there’s no way I could muster up the compassion to take care of strangers. Or that maybe I’ve settled into a practical career path when the opportunity to do something thrilling was out there.

Anyway, I’m tired of trying to bend my life to fit within the box of other peoples’ lists, so I figured I’d make my own! And maybe it’s just mine, or maybe some of it fits you too.

Five things I’m working on being okay with in my… mid twenties:

1. It’s okay that I’m not super passionate about my career. Yeah, I will forever envy people that go home and literally KNOW that they’ve made a difference in someone’s life. Maybe even saved a life. And for sure, I’d like to hug Joe Jonas. (Or tell Kesha it’s all going to be okay.) But, what I’m reminding myself is that my passion is just thrown into things outside of my career. I love making my family and friends laugh. I love writing this silly thing. I love to paint and draw. You know, it works.
2. It’s okay to be the party pooper. And it’s okay to blossom into a social butterfly as you navigate adulthood, too. Me personally? I’m an only child, and after 13 years of school, 4 years of college, and 5 years of working full time, I’m back to basics. I no longer feel a surge of guilt when I decide to pass up a social gathering here and there. I see people all day, everyday, and it’s really made my me time that much more valuable. Life doesn’t always have to be some big production with invitations and booze and makeup (that’s what weddings are for). Some of my favorite times are spent in sweatpants at home with my husband, or late nights and fried pickles at trusty ole B-Dubs to snag some time with my best friends before we fly and drive our separate ways.
3. It’s okay to be unsure about building a family. Marriage has been the biggest adventure of my life so far, and it’s still so brand new. I get so tearfully happy when I hear my friends are expecting, and I love pictures and snuggles and baby bumps just as much as the next person. I’ll tell you what I don’t love though, and that’s the judgmental look I get 98% of the time I’m asked if I want to have kids and my answer seems more no-ish than yes-ish. It’s not progressive. It’s not new-agey. Having children is a huge, life-altering, personal decision, and I hate to toot my own horn, but maybe I’m actually just really self-aware to know that I’m not ready yet. Hell, I can’t even make a dentist appointment alone. For now, I will have to cherish watching some of my friends be wonderful moms and dads.
4. It’s okay that I didn’t go to grad school. For five years now, this has been a huge struggle of mine. I took the GRE the summer after I graduated, and I actually did very well. I feel like I have to announce that I did well out of some irrational paranoia that maybe my friends think I didn’t go to grad school because I’m not smart enough. The truth is, I didn’t go because I’m not sure what I love enough to spend the time or money on right now, and that’s fine. (For real though friends, I am proud and envious of your graduate degrees. You go!)
5. It’s okay to not always be okay. After all, there’s not much of a story to tell after, “I got it right from the very start. And then, I just kept getting it right.”

It’s okay to be unsure. Unsure is an adventurous start to any new journey. So here’s to my new job! And to your new whatever it is that you’re doing! And to fitting into your own list because answering to yourself is the most honest thing you can do!

xoxo listmakergurl