When Your Mind Isn’t Yours

Monday was one of those days. Everyone has them. Things were funky from the start. I was having big reactions in response to situations that wouldn’t have phased me at all the day before. I’d worked all weekend and felt burnt out when I sat down at my desk for the eighth consecutive day. At 5:27, I got a totally innocuous email that, on this particular Monday, hit my emotions like a sack of bricks.

So, tears were already threatening my eyes when I shut down my computer with my thoughts set on running an errand for a friend. I walked into the living room to find Kyle asleep on the couch, and knowing he’d been up since 5:30 working, I put on my big girl pants and decided I would run this particular errand alone. I grabbed my keys, hopped in my car, set up the GPS to my destination, backed out, and then things went black.

When I came to, so to speak, Kyle was behind the wheel and I was in the passenger seat, knees tight to my chest, hands covering my eyes, tears streaming down my cheeks, and totally unable to catch my breath. Hyperventilating. Inconsolable. And somehow still just outside of my garage.

And here’s the wildest thing, I hadn’t been in a wreck. Or even close to a wreck. I had simply backed out of my garage and found myself one of multiple subjects in a dipshit neighbor showdown. I knew my reaction was stupid then. I knew it was stupid two hours later. I still know today that it was stupid.

But in that moment, my mind wasn’t my own. And unfortunately, that happens sometimes. I’m, for the most part, a pretty rational adult, and had that scenario played out today, I probably would’ve waved my middle finger at my neighbors and laughed about it (because I’m so classy), but yesterday caught me tired, stressed out, already upset, and I lost myself. My emotions weren’t up to me. It was probably the worst panic attack I’ve ever had, not because it was the lengthiest, or because the situation was of any importance, but because I had zero control over my reaction.

Anyway, I’m not sharing this at all for sympathy (but, if you’re worried, I appreciate you and want to let you know that I took a hot shower, went to bed early, and woke up a different human). I’m sharing because I know and love some people who experience this too. I also know and love some people who will never, ever get it. So, if sometimes your mind isn’t yours too, and you’re not finding empathy from the people you need it from most, give them some grace and remember you’re not alone. I got you.

xoxo leigh ann

P.S. The next level fall beauty you’re experiencing on my blog is thanks to @shutupcrystal (website) and @kenny_107 (image). 🙂