Blogmas Day 8: I’m On The Naughty List

Warning: mental health post. Disclaimer: kind of raw. Spoiler alert: I’m working on me.

Guys. Self reflection is tough. Especially when you can see in yourself some things you don’t like.

Let me explain. The past year has been tough, plain and simple. Yes, it could always be worse. Yes, I am very, very blessed. But damn it, sometimes things are just hard.

This year definitely had some really high peaks, but I am also looking back on a year that’s had a few valleys, self inflicted and otherwise. Growing up, man.

Sometimes I find it difficult to look in the mirror and see the person staring back at me, metaphorically speaking.

The symptoms:

1. I anger easily

2. I project that anger onto others

3. I say and think less than kind things about people and situations

4. I am panicked and stressed 24/7

5. I let that stress manifest in idleness

6. I don’t value my physical well being

7. I rarely get more than 5 hours of sleep a night

8. I. Do. Not. Care.

Causes:

1. Change over the past year in the form of a new role in my career, leaving my beloved little house, a new house and all the work involved, turning 30 😩

2. That idleness I mentioned above is a double edged sword

3. Strained relationships

4. Chronic homesickness

5. Me! Mental health is not always in our control, but you can choose to do something about being in a funk, and for a little bit, I’ve chosen to do nothing, which is downright silly

6. Friends leaving Netflix (just kidding! Had to lighten this up somehow though)

I wanted to share all of this for a couple of reasons. Firstly, if you’re finding this season of life (or this actual season, SAD is real!) particularly difficult, you are so not alone. Secondly, I have to hold myself accountable and I’m hoping this and you can help me. I’ve been owning up to all of this in my heart and mind for a really long time, but to put it on paper gives me a pit in my stomach that’s begging me to be a better version of myself.

So yeah, this is a promise to you, but mostly me, to be better.

I’ll be back to the regularly scheduled Christmas shenanigans tomorrow, but this has been heavy on my heart so I shared–

xoxo #nicelist2020

P.S. It was hard to click the Publish button on this post, but if anyone finds this relatable, it’s worth it!